I was going to do that!

I just found a folder with paperwork I have been looking for for at least a year. Even though I have tried applying myself to finding this folder on and off, during all this time, to be honest, it has mostly been off.

But something miraculous has happened. For the first time in a very long time, all my office stuff and files are in one place, and I actually found this folder and I am able to look at myself and things with new eyes.

I am always looking for some kind of silver bullet to help me deal with constant procrastination and dealing with paperwork, and my current arrangement stuff and the cabinets, drawers, and file drawers just might give me the edge I’ve needed all these years.

Either that or it’s understanding something fundamental about myself that allows me to finally apprehend a lot of things about how I operate. I have recently discovered I am an undiagnosed adult with Aspergers Syndrome. At this age, I will not be pursuing an official diagnosis, but that doesn’t change how I am.

One of many hard things about Asergers is dealing with procrastination and a nearly physical aversion to doing something I don’t want to do. The amount of cajoling I must do in order to get anything done has required an inordinate amount of energy.

Performance Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a subtype of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) characterized by a strong, persistent, and distressing aversion to everyday demands and expectations.

Adults with PDA can experience disorder in many ways.

There is first and foremost, avoiding or delaying tasks that are perceived as demanding or stressful, such as work assignments, household chores, or social activities.

They might also have difficulty initiating and completing tasks, even if they are familiar or routine.

There might be excessive procrastination or indecision. They will engage in repetitive or avoidance behaviors to relieve anxiety.

Adults with PDA will often present as disorganized and lacking motivation. They might be perceived as passive-aggressive or difficult by others.

There will be reports of struggling with relationships and managing emotions in social situations. They will often report feeling overwhelmed and anxious in demanding situations.

Everyone experiences PDA and Aspergers differently and individuals may present with some, but not all of these traits.

For me, it’s been helpful to understand this very fundamental part of the way I operate in order to get a handle on the tasks that absolutely need to be completed. No matter how I feel about actually doing them.